Failure IS an option....

In an earlier post, I talked about reflecting on goals from the past year. So let's reflect...

Last year at this time I was starting a version of The Daniel Fast with my church. I had already decided to change my eating habits and planned to use the group support to kick off a 21-day detox of sugar in preparation of following The Paleo Diet as a permanent lifestyle change. In a nutshell, Paleo is a healthy eating plan which includes fish, meats (grass-fed preferred), eggs, vegetables, fruit, seeds and nuts, and excludes grains, legumes(beans, peas), and 'white stuff' ( flour, potatoes, and refined SUGAR) and processed foods. Dairy is also limited. But you can have BACON and real BUTTER. :) It's sometimes known as The Caveman Diet  (for more info go to Eileen's page PaleoSimplified or Google it. There is tons of info out there. )

Now, I have tried to control my weight for over 20 years. Mostly unsuccessfully.  I have tried Weight Watchers (twice), diet pills, HCG, Atkins, Low-fat, Slimfast, phentermine, exercise including Zumba and spinning, personal trainers, and weight lifting at gyms. Many other plans, products and gimmicks that escape me right now. 


So I set the date January 6, 2013, committed myself to start the Fast Challenge at church and follow with The Paleo Plan.  Then for about two weeks I ate like it was my Last Supper. I ate everything and anything I wanted as if it was my last chance to ever taste it again. You can't just throw out cookies and chips after all. I gained 10lbs.  But I was cool with that. I REALLY was focused on eating better and changing bad habits and not on the scale. I knew that weight loss would be a by-product because I was finally going to conquer poor food choices... with God and the Paleo Plan!

And here we are a year later. By standard definitions, I've failed again.  Oh I lost weight. About 40 lbs of weight. From January to June, I ate 'on plan' in 21 day intervals. For 21 days, I would stay away from the exclusions and on Day 22 I would 'cheat' and eat what I wanted. 

I found out quickly that my body LOVED Paleo food and it rebelled on Cheat Days. Cheat food made me sick. My first cheat was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I thought I'd die 30 mins after eating it. Headaches, stomach pain, bloating, joint pain, nausea. It took 2 full days to totally leave my system.

Paleo food gave me energy, curbed hunger, cleared up my allergies, chronic sinus infections, gastro issues and joint pain. I felt really good "on plan". I leaned on the Lord during cravings and read labels.  I persevered and stayed On Plan for 6 months. (Minus 40 lbs. WooHoo!) Gave away all my Fat clothes. 

YES! I finally beat this! It only takes 21 days to break a habit, right? And I stayed on track for 6 months! 

But how long does it take to break an addiction? Apparently, longer than 6 months. :(

Upon reflection, I found a pattern. I start a new diet/eating plan in January.  I feel strong and confident that it's going to be different this time. I throw out all the BAD food in the house ( or eat it) Then diligently follow whatever plan  or diet I am currently trying.  I have some success and feel pretty encouraged.  Then I struggle a little around Easter ( jelly beans, candy, big family dinner) but get back on track shortly after and stay pretty much on track until June. Down 30-40lbs! Woohoo! 

Then the kids get out of school. My schedule changes. Vacation.( You can't diet on vacation. it's vacation! Add 5.) Summer parties. (Add 10.) Summer's over. Kids go back to school. Schedule tightens. Come on, Sheila! You've come too far. Drop those kids at school and Start walking. ( minus 10) Then comes Halloween candy.(add 5) By this point, I've all but completely fallen off the wagon and if I'm lucky have one hand hanging on until Thanksgiving. (add 10) Then comes December. Food. Parties. Stress. Fudge. Christmas Cookies. (add 10).  

And here we are in January again and I am nearly to the pound of where I started one year ago.  I lose and regain the same 30-40 lbs every year. 

So, like I said, technically I failed...again. 

But this year I don't feel totally defeated. I'm not happy about the results but I don't have shame like in the past.  And I think that is because even though my body is the same, my mind and attitude have changed. I have learned some big things that I'll talk about in my next few posts. Things that I think are finally getting me closer to a permanent success.

They are:

1) My body loves me. 

2)  I can eat without counting calories and still lose weight, and not be hungry.

3) I am addicted to sugar.  

4) There's something deeper. And I've been using a shovel, when I really need a backhoe.


If you can relate, I hope you'll stick with me during this journey of writing, self-discovery and beginning again. 

This is the House that Mom Built

In my ever continuing attempts to be more organized, I decided to clean out my Inbox and purge some emails. As I got near the bottom of the list, I came across the  an old email from October that I had 'saved' in my Inbox. ( My organized computer geek hubby would sigh and tell me to 'save' in a SAVED folder and how simple it is to create a file folder and label it Inspiration or something if I've wanted to save it for 3 months, but that's not how I roll. :)  I can do that. Ya, doesn't happen.. but I digress.)  Anyway, a dear friend had forwarded a daily message she receives from a site called Two Listeners. I'm not sure specifically what was going on in my life just then, but probably some worry about my two high schoolers, and if they were listening in my attempts to prepare them for life.  Or maybe it was a prayer request for strength as I worried if my 20 year old was surviving in Army Basic Training without the guidance of Mom and Dad and no real evidence of his own personal relationship with the Lord. As he faced the challenges of training, and the first time away from home, was he scared, lonely, struggling, doubtful??  I knew life was hard enough for me having God to talk to and an understanding that He was guiding me and with me. How hard must it be for my son if he doesn't know he can pray for strength and wisdom?? DOES he know??? Of course I had told them all these things and modeled them the best that I could. But was it in one ear and out the other? Is Mom just a weird Jesus Freak?  At 16, 17 and 20, it's somewhat normal for the kids to question things and fight to find their own identity in all areas, including faith. Still a Mama worries. Did I do/ Am I doing enough? Did I do too much and turn them off in some way? Does my example of consistent church attendance (alone, without the rest of the family), and leading a weekly Bible study even matter? Have I been a good friend, and generous enough? Did I show good character and faith and seek the log in my own eye more than the speck in others? After all, I'm still growing in my faith and strengthening my own beliefs!  All the shoulda couldas, what-ifs, oh- I -messed- that -up come rolling in.  See, I have been a Believer all my life, but really didn't become a Follower until about 3 years ago. So there was some Sunday school, some Vacation Bible School, some prayers, some Jesus talk in our house, some of Dad's Catholic religion background( and the scars), and some of mine( or lack thereof), but not much solid as I reflected in my less than rose-colored hindsight. Wait! Wait! Can I start over? I'd do things differently now... <sigh> Mamas worry.    When the birdies start getting ready to fly and you have less and less time for flying lessons, these things tend to feel urgent. At least they did/do for me. So, I can guess in that moment of insecurity, my friend was trying to provide comfort and an answer to the questions I still ask myself ...  Am I really making any long-term difference in the formation of their faith? And will I ever see the day when my whole family would show evidence of a strong  and personal, individual relationship with Christ? Can I trust, believe, pray, and wait for that time to come?  Here's what she sent... Home Building

You are building up an unshakable faith. Be furnishing the quiet places of your souls now. Fill them with all that is harmonious and good, beautiful, and enduring. Home-build in the Spirit now, and the waiting time will be well spent. But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost.  Jude 1:20 I thought and prayed about the message. Our kids are at the age where their faith must become theirs. Their beliefs must become their own and their relationship with God is a choice they have to make for themselves.  I got the picture of a Bachelor pad/ First Apartment versus a Home. When you start out, your furnishings are a mismatch. Mostly what others give you. Nothing goes together. Its not reflective of "you". You don't really have a style. Or your style is garage sale or Mama's attic.  Maybe a few solid heirloom type pieces. The chair from the family room. Grandma's chest chest. But as we grow and mature and develop ourselves and our style, we furnish our homes with our tastes, things we bought. Items that cost us something personally. And we set down roots for our own children.  But our house doesn't look like our parent's house. And it doesn't look like Grandmas house. We choose OUR colors, OUR furnishings. OUR Home develops it's own signature scent. Sure, those pieces from Mom and Grandma remain but now we are the Moms and Grandmas and we need our faith to be solid so it can be taken as a cornerstone when it's time.  Just like the mismatched furnished dwelling, when we are young, our faith is made up largely of others thoughts, ideas. What has been given to us. Good, bad, or lacking. If we are lucky, we get a chest full of Grandma's wisdom. Or we take with a us a comfy, well-worn chair that reminds us we are loved. But as we mature, we have to build our own Faith, decide what we believe and how we will live, make our own decisions, and take responsibility for our choices as an adult. So let's remember we are each responsible to maintain (and remodel when necessary), our own 'home' where Jesus dwells. Because ultimately, we stand in front of the Father on our own.   Romans 14:11,12 “For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” -  Just like I can't go to college with my baby and tell the professor that "He's a good boy, he just slept in." They can't stand before God with me and say " It's her fault I didn't seek You. This is the House that Mom Built. Don't judge me, judge her." Oh, I WILL be judged. But on my own and they the same. So, yes, we continue to be the example to our kids, remembering that actions speak louder than words and they are watching.  Yes, we have a responsibility in raising our kids.  Yet, at some point,  it is they who must FURNISH their own homes, and let Jesus dwell in the House that They Built.

Reflect and Project

Happy New Year!

I don't know about you but I am excited about the New Year and God's Plans for it. The New Year is a fresh start and I tend to Reflect and Project each January. I reflect on the blessings I've received in the previous year, what goals I reached and didn't, and lessons I learned in all areas of my life. Then I project. I talk with God and listen for a word from Him for the year, and start with new goals (or re-worked previous goals), visions, dreams, and plans.

This year I'm starting with two words: FOCUS and IMPOSSIBLE. 

( Thank you Heike Wilczek McDoniel for creating these. )

For those who don't know me personally, I'm into a little bit of this and a little bit of that and have lots of "squirrel!" moments that steal my attention and focus.  So between that and procrastination, it's hard for me to get things DONE...consistently. :) I am working on that this year.

I also have been challenged to ask God for impossible things. Some call this God-sized Dreams. It is that thing that you want or envision that you think, " There is no way. That is impossible. I could never... that's never going to happen... that kind of thing doesn't happen to me."
On New Year's Eve morning, I read my YouVersion daily devotion from Pastor Steven Furtick. It was called Sun Stands Still, and was on Joshua 10. In this story, the Lord made the sun stand still for Joshua. He gave Joshua a mission to lead the Israelites, and told him that He would be with him. So before a big battle Joshua asked the impossible. 

MAKE THE SUN STOP IN THE SKY. 

The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day.

Impossible.

But God loves a good challenge and He will do the impossible. Especially if He has given you a mission or task.  You are here in this moment of time, in these circumstances, with this family, in this house, in this community for a reason. I don't know it and maybe you don't either. But the Lord does.

Things may be happening in your life that need a conclusion that seems impossible.

With God All Things are Possible. Take it to Him and wait for the Sun to Stand Still.

What IMPOSSIBLE are you facing right now?