Eating Well: I feel physically better when I eat well. Young. My energy level soars. My gut feels better. I don't need allergy medicine. My chronic sinus infections go away.My mood is better. I look better and feel sexier and can fit into my jeans.That improves confidence and that affects my everything! I want to be out in the world talking to people. I'm Tiny and Shiny and I feel like this guy.
Eating Poorly: I feel physically tired, sluggish. Old. My joints ache. I feel bloated. My head is stuffy, and my skin is itchy. I look frumpy and I feel less than sexy and can't fit into my clothes. That destroys my confidence and that affects my everything. I feel shame and want to hide from the world. I am depressed and pensive and feel like this guy.
I am on a journey this year to figure out more of the puzzle of why I keep circling this mountain.
The first is a realization and admission that there is an addictive element to this. This isn't JUST about perseverance and will power. I'm not sure what it is totally about for me, (likely a variety of things), but like an alcoholic that drinks even after he's destroyed his marriage and gotten a DUI and lost his job and ruined his liver, all the negative consequences are not enough to stop me from choosing unhealthy foods. And even if I DO manage to make a healthy choice, I want the bad foods.
A few months ago I heard this news,
"In depth studies show that consuming SUGAR has the same effects on the body as taking HEROIN and COCAINE."
Sugar produces the same "high," dependence, cravings, and withdrawal symptoms as illegal drugs"
Really? SUGAR? Comparable to heroin, or cocaine? On one hand, I can believe it. I picture myself in the times I have decided " WE need to eat healthier. So NO MORE JUNK" and thrown out all the sweet stuff in the house. There is nothing but fruits and veggies to be found. Then *I* NEED a sugar "fix' and scour the pantry only to have to settle for baking supplies.
A half a bag of chocolate chips. Or in true desperation, palms full of rainbow sprinkles that are left behind from the last batch of birthday cupcakes. Or a nasty squirt of chocolate syrup right down the throat that likens me to a desperate drunk drinking mouthwash.
I recall the frustration I feel with myself when I have had a healthy meal, been full and satisfied but still need a little "something" and go looking for dessert. Only to find it, eat it, and then feel sick because I was full in the first place. So, I have a sweet tooth. I'm a woman. We NEED chocolate. That's not addiction, right?
Then I recalled the time I was on a diet and ate an invisible piece of cake. Yes. Invisible cake.
I had read some crazy idea of battling cravings with visualization. Pretending to eat a food that you are trying to avoid could be as satisfying as the real thing! Oh the power of the mind...
So yes, I stood in the kitchen with a real plate and fork, eating an invisible piece of chocolate cake with rich chocolate icing. Imagining the taste and texture and chewing calorie-free air.
That was the action of a desperate woman right there. And Thank God food is legal...because I'm just saying... I ate invisible cake.
Ok. So I'm crazy. But an addict?
Addiction: noun
a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol ) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal;broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful
1. compulsive- can't stop even if you want to Yep.
2. characterized by tolerance- I can "tolerate" lots of sugar before I feel sick. Check.
3. withdrawal- When I deny myself sugar, I get headaches, and crankiness as I "detox".
4. User knows it to be harmful- DUH.
Yep. Me and biblical Paul...and everyone else in the world.
We all have something we struggle with. Maybe you don't need to eat invisible cake. Maybe it's true substance addiction in the common sense. Or maybe it's addiction to drama, self-doubt, negative thinking, gossip, anger, shopping, social media.
Call them what you want. Bad habits, tendencies, bends...sin. We all have something that takes up too much mind space, and causes us frustration and shame...whatever keeps us circling the mountain, because For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
As they say, the first step in solving a problem is admitting it. So I admit it. I will not shame or condemn myself or be labeled by it, but it's time to get real.
Hi. My Name is Sheila and I'm a Sugar Addict.
Home run!!! Absolutely.
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